P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
