My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
BRING THE BAGELS
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
not ubering you a puppy
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
