Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
