Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
