his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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