my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
