Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
