I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
so I'm never txting u again after today...
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.