I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.