i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell