Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.