I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I just found a bag of teeth...
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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