Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
