so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
