??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I believe in your delicious
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
