I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
