just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
