He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
