When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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