Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Just high enough for therapy.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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