yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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