We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
