her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
