That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
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Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
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Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
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