I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
