i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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