You really coming over, don't trick.
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
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The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
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If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
We don't watch enough power rangers
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
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