Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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