well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
