Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
