I hate all girls vehemently.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
