He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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