You're completely useless in the revolution.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize