The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
