yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
