you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
