Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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