im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
