I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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