he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
