You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
