She said her name was "party"
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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