Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
