my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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