your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
This gyro tastes like lonliness
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
