As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
