We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
