so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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