I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
we're making bets on your personal life
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
