that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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