Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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