God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Randomize
