Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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