As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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