Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
