I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
