Tell her she can't have a vagina
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
