Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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