She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
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He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
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Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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