he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
