she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
