So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
