i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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