Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
our cab driver is having phone sex.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
