Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
