69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
