he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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