There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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