Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
