First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
